Western Men and Isaan Women

There is plenty out there on the internet about the dangers to western men of getting involved with a woman for Isaan. The standard assumption seems to be that she is or was a bar girl (or other sort of prostitute). Contrary to belief, not all women from Isaan that wish to date a western man are of a low calibre. Not even all low-educated women from Isaan are doing something of ill-repute. There are a great many that come to Bangkok or other large cities in search of honest work, as work in certain parts of Isaan are scarce to nil. Some things you should know, though, if you wish to date a woman from Isaan - in particular a poor one with little education:

1). Do not automatically trust her.

Now, although I say not all girls from Isaan are prostitutes, the fact is many are. You would be doing yourself a disservice if you gave her the benefit of the doubt. Ask as many questions as possible. Do not be satisfied with the answers the first time. Wait until she may have forgotten what she told you, then ask again and in a different way. If her answer is verbatim or has changed too much, you can suspect she is lying to you in some way. You should also keep tabs on her. This means knowing where she is and being sure she can be contacted by phone. If she tells you where she is, do a surprise visit. Keep doing this, until you are sure you can trust her. When that time comes can only be decided by you.

2). She will want money to send to her parents.
Understand that this is not part of hooker culture, but rather part of the culture of poor Thailand. Thais are extremely close to their families, and for poor families, not to send money back to their parents would be considered a deep insult. It would be tantamount to saying, "thanks for giving me everything when I was a child, now I don't need you, so f*** off." Women will have no problems asking you for money for their parents. Do not automatically assume they are basically asking you to pay for the relationship. Think of it this way:
they love their parents and want to help them, as it is part of their culture. They believe you love them and want to help them in any way. The thought of sending money to the folks is foreign and most often disagreeable to western men, but do not think too badly of it. It is simply a different culture - even if we don't agree with it.

3). She may not talk to you.

Often, girls from Isaan with limited education also have limited English. It is a good idea to learn some Thai, as all people from Isaan speak standard Thai. You may have times you feel she is ignoring you. This can be a problem especially when you have something important you wish to talk to her about and her silence seems suspicious. While there is the chance she is hiding something, keep in mind that she may simply not know how to say what she wants to in English. Losing face is considered one of the worst things that can happen to a person in Thailand. Being wrong is losing face. If you do not speak Thai, she will not bother to speak to you about it in Thai, as it would be rude to say something you won't understand, thereby causing you to lose face. As her English improves and your Thai improves, your conversations will get longer and she will talk to you more.

4). She talks to her friends more than you.

Sometimes, you may notice that it is hard to get a conversation going with your girlfriend. She may pretend she is tired and doesn't want to talk, but for whatever reason, she is silent. Yet, when she is with her friends, she is vibrant and chatty. Read the above, but to reiterate, it most likely is not about you, but about language. Her friends speak her language (often not simply Thai, but her dialect from home, as many women from Isaan come to larger cities with friends and family) and she is comfortably at home with the language.

5). Find out if she is with you for the money or for you.

Any sensible western man will want to make sure from the get-go that your woman is not with you for your pocketbook. The best way to do this is either actually be poor or feign poverty. If she leaves as soon as the cash stops flowing, then you can chalk it up to experience and move on. However, if she is working while you work, and continues to stay with you and work while you are in a transition period with little to no money flowing, there is something more to her about you than your money, and you are probably safe. Thai bar girls and the like looking for cash won't sit around and wait for you to make money. They will find someone who already has it. If they are a bar girl and still with you, there is a high probability they are hooking.

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Understand that Isaan women are not attracted to western men solely because of money. In fact, this may not even be a factor. The fact is, unlike many Thai men (especially from Isaan), western men treat them like goddesses. By Thai standards, Isaan women are rather ugly, being shorter, with darker skin. However, it is exactly these exotic looks that attract western men to them. Also, western men are less likely to get drunk and beat them. Many women from Isaan have had a boyfriend prior to you that was Thai and oftentimes had an abusive relationship. They may be submissive, but they certainly don't like getting hit, and like that western men usually do not do such to them. Also, Thai men are notorious for cheating. Thai women, though they know it happens, do not like it - just what can they do? A chance to have a relationship with a man that will treat them right, think they are beautiful, and be devoted to them is something many women will not pass up. It also doesn't hurt that quite a few Thai women, Isaan or otherwise, are attracted to western men for our exotic looks (exotic works both ways)!